terça-feira, 21 de fevereiro de 2012

"Everything is OK"

It's that time again. 

Time for my checkup and especially time for the mammogram. 

The last time I got one I got the bad news. A year and half ago. Since then I had surgery, chemo, radiation and a long recovery time. Now I believe I'm back to health, in spite of slightly tight movements and aches especially on my arms and shoulders. I've lost most of my weight water gain but still need to lose a few pounds that I have piled up since then. And aside from that, I feel good. Sometimes blue, sometimes sunshiny, but heck, who isn't?!

But I'm scared. 
Super, mighty scared. 
Out of my wits scared. 
Anyone who's been there (or has a loved one who's been there) knows what I mean. 

It's a cold, clamping fear that tightens our throat and the opening of our stomach and won't go away until you hear those words "everything is OK" and then you know you'll have until the next checkup to let go of that fear. 

Fortunately I get to know right away. 
It's scary to look at the doctor's face trying to decypher what she's seeing on the ultrasonograph and any time she clicks and records the image on the screen you flinch. It doesn't hurt. It scares the heck out of you. 

But when she's done you pray to hear those magical words. 
"Everything is OK". Because she knows I need to know right then and there, no matter what the words are. And you know you'll fight like a gladiator for you life, if the veredict is bad. But you don't want it to be. Again.

Hopefully I'll be back tomorrow to tell you those same words. With a smile.

Until then... XXX

8 comentários:

  1. I am so happy you got fantastic news. Who cares about the weight, you are healthy. I remember being gripped with fear at every check up, for years and years. I don't think that it ever truly goes away. But for now you can take a deep breath, give yourself a hug and know that you are doing great.

  2. Ohhhhhh, yes...I know the feeling. Tell me the good words...I'm waiting! Bigger hugs than usual...Annette

  3. My thoughts and prayers are with you Teresa. I'm praying for good results!

  4. Thinking good thoughts and prayers for you :)

  5. Sending you all the best thoughts and prayers in the world!!!

  6. Keep faith..everything IS Ok. Please confirm that as soon as you know, please.
    xx, Carol

  7. Good luck! I'll think of you and hope for the good words too!
    I wish you a lot of strenght.

  8. Everything will be all right, no doubts.

    Thinking of you today Darling



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