sexta-feira, 18 de março de 2011

A bit nervous

I confess... I wasn't quite happy with my blog layout (I'm still trying to decide whether or not I like it!) so I started fiddling around. For now... this will be it.

The weekend is almost here. I'm excited but I'm also anxious... happy anxious, nervous anxious, worried anxious. A bit of it all.

I've been going through chemotherapy since the end of last August. Something we always dread in our lives crept up on me, breast cancer, for the 2nd time. The first time was 10 years ago, it showed up again (a totally new case, the other one is considered cured) last July. It's no news to me--is that a curse or a blessing? I knew all I'd have to go through, so I was prepared, but also knew the consequences, so was a bit scared. 

But I'm one of the lucky ones, I've always suspected it would show up sometime since Grandma had it too, so I've been regularly controlled since I was 37. Both times it was detected at a very early stage, within 6 months of it showing up. Of course surgery was necessary, as well as chemo and radiation therapy because I got a lumpectomy both times. It's a triple negative type, which would seem to be good but is actually bad; they really don't know what kind of treatment is most effective.

This time chemo didn't work out as well as expected, too many side effects--total loss of white blood cells and platelets, anemia (of course the usual other side effects, like total hair loss and some nausea), and when I switched to Taxol my hands suffered the most from the neurotoxicity. It's odd how we can have no sensitivity in our fingers and yet have them hurt so badly! And yet the doctor is happy because I endured this better than most my companions! 

Today is my last chemo treatment, the 12th. And I'll be free from this. Monday I have the radiotherapy appointment to schedule the treatments, which should start in about 3 to 4 weeks and last for 6 to 7 weeks, I think. The pain, the numbness should begin to fade away after a while.

Yes, I'm anxious. I've been fighting for almost a year now. I want to be back to my normal, silly, calm life, and be able to go outside for a walk (arghhhhhhhhh I've got about 5kg to lose, from the cortisone!) without worrying that I'll catch a cold and have to postpone my treatments. And feel the sun in my face. And not feel tired all the time. And get my hair back. Stupid, silly things like that...

Thank God for my family, they've been with me every step of the way--Hubby makes a point of not missing one single treatment, since the beginning, and Mom is always trying to find a way to help, my Son is always kissing me and telling me how beautiful I look no matter what :)

And for my crafts and your blogs, they've helped me keep my sanity and stay foccused while at home, since I've had to be on sick leave! 

So girls... think PINK! Prevention is the most important thing! And have a wonderful weekend!

5 comentários:

  1. Good luck. I saw your flowers on the crochet flower blog. Cancer for the second time is a bum rap for sure. But you are a fighter and survivor. I hope you get good news.
    Carol in Indiana, USA

  2. Tears, when I read your story on your blog....every word you said...the same with me 11 years ago, first time cancer..last week the news for the second time cancer..

    I hope so you get now good news....I have to wait for news till thursday evening..then I will know when the operation will be, and all the things after it ...

    Greetings from Belgium


  3. So glad you have a family that is helping you along this terrible journey. So glad I found you!

  4. Omg you are so brave and i wish you all the best and a good recovery ,i will pray for good news
    thanks for sharing youre story


  5. Thank you, girls, for your comments--aside from sharing and "talking" about it, I always feel there is a special role for me in life, making sure other women have a chance of surviving like me--SCREENING, check-ups, keeping an eye out for any changes that occur. Who knows our body better than we do?! It may be the difference between survival... or not!

    Yes, Carol, it is a blow in the stomach to get that "we've got a little something here..." during the sonogram. It's bad the 1st time, we dread each and every check-up we go to after that. And it is no fun at all when we hear it again, when we finally begin to breathe and think it's gone for good!

    But yes, I AM a fighter and a survivor, and you are too, Marjo--you will do just fine, like me. As so many other anonymous women...

    Cathy, my friend, is another survivor--how many of us are there here?!

    Valeria, it's not really bravery... we find strength we never thought we had :)

    And guess what, all of you are helping with your kind words and your works of beauty and delight :) Thank you!


It's always great to read your comments! :) Thank you!


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